I think I'm a medical hazard waiting to happen...

So, second day at The Job and things are going pretty swell.
Except that coworkers keep jerking their heads to stare at me, perplexed, when they see me gallumping down the hallway at noon.
I swear, come Monday morning, I'm concerned some of my coworkers might actually give themselves whiplash, staring at me when I show up at eight in the morning.
Honestly.
Still alive and experiencing sympathetic neck pains. - G.

Work

Good news!
I started working days today.
Sort of.
Kinda.
Actually, I'm working from noon to eight this evening, at least until Thursday.
Then, I get a nice three-day weekend, and start working normal day hours on Monday.
Next week, I suspect, is going to be difficult.
But I'm looking forward to it.
I'm just glad to be out of limbo!
Still alive and enjoying the sunshine. - G.

Joke Day

Did you hear about the new Elvis inspired restaurant? Its for folks who love meat tender.
*rimshot*
Still alive and telling really bad jokes. - G.

It's a bright, sunny day here on the Last Frontier and I'm inside, doing laundry. As I type this, I feel a bit guilty. I should be out there, enjoying the sun and the 40+ degree weather. But, instead, I lurk, troll-like, at the keyboard. Eh. Nature is overrated anyway.
I was up till the wee hours this morning reading a book, Life In A Medieval Castle, which is actually quite interesting. It's just the latest book in a book-buying binge that I've been on, and its sitting atop the stack next to my bed.
Honestly, I should probably be off the computer and in my bedroom, boxing up surplus books and getting ready to drive them over to Title Wave. My credit is dangerously close to dropping below the triple digits. :P
And I'm debating if I want to go to the movies tonight, to see Hot Tob Time Machine. On the pro side, I like John Cussack movies and I've heard this one is supposed to be pretty funny. On the con side though is the fact that I'd be paying full price for an unknown quantity, plus I'm gun shy about popular comedy movies. What other people thing of as funny, I usually think of as annoying and stupid.
Ah well. Sounds like the wash is done. Time to pop it into the dryer.
Still alive and forced to live a life of domestic drudgery. - G.

Rejection

Well, nuts.
Just got a rejection e-mail from a site I submitted a short story too.
To be honest, I'm not surprised I was rejected. The story felt a bit too political, too real-world for the site I sent it to.
Ah well.
Time to hunker down and fire off the next attempt.
Still alive and still writing, even after all these years. - G.

TGIT

Okay, stick a fork in me, 'cause I'm done.
Been at work since three and already my desk is covered with dusty files.
It's my Friday. I am declaring today officially over. Done. Kaput.
Bring on the weekend!
Hopefully this one will not start with the failure of a major household appliance.
Still alive and ready for a drink! - G.

Limbo

It seems like every day someone at The Job is asking me when I'm finally going to start on days. And I have to keep saying, "I don't know."
Honestly, the not knowing is starting to really get on my nerves.
I'm ready to start days.
My successor is trained as well as she's going to be. Everything else is all about experience. That, and our tech guys pulling their heads out of their butts and giving her the damn computer accesses that she needs to do the job.
Eh.
In other training news, I just wrote a short, handy-dandy guide to using one of our subsystems for newbies.
I am so adding that to my resume.
Still alive and getting tired of living in limbo. - G.

4th & D

In Hot Water

I have a new hot water heater.
The guys arrived early and finished installing it about fifteen minutes ago. They were here for almost three hours.
Now, as I sit here typing these words, I can hear the new hot water heater boiling and burbling in its new space.
Honestly? It sounds a bit sinister and is making me wonder: what sort of sounds does a hot water heater make before it explodes?
Okay, now I'm totally getting paranoid.
So, I think I'm off to the movies. I figure, if the house isn't blown up by the time I come back, everything'll be copacetic.
Still alive and being a bit silly. - G.

Just because I don't support the HCRB, that doesn't make me evil. Does it?

Crap.
I've been trying to write a post re my reaction to the Democrats passing their Health Care Reform Bill.
But everything I've written so far just makes me sound like a reactionary wacko.
So, I'll just say that I don't support this bill as it currently stands.
And, honestly, I'm not that worried about it, because I figure it'll be shredded like Chinese chicken within a year, when the Republicans sweep back into Congress and the lobbyists start playing hard ball.
Until then, we're stuck with it.
And I still sound like a reactionary wacko, don't I?
Ah well.
Still alive and fed up with my country's leadership. - G.

Update on the Hot Water Heater

Crap.
I need a new hot water heater.
Will be getting a new one installed this Monday afternoon.
Am taking off work to be here when it's done.
Until then, it's cold showers for yours truly.
Still alive and thinking apartment life is looking better and better. - G.

Not in Hot Water

I woke up this morning and discovered that I had no hot water.
The pilot light in my hot water heater had apparently gone out.
So, screwing my courage to the sticking place, I relit the thing.
No problem.
Everything's copacetic. Right?
But then, when I took a shower, I ran out of hot water way too soon. Even for the measly amount my hot water heater produces.
I checked and the pilot light had gone out again.
What the fuck?
I was out of matches and, since we're talking about a major gas powered appliance here, I just said fuck it and called one of those 24 hour heating places. They're sending someone over to take a look.
In the meantime, I've turned the gas off to the hot water heater and am sitting here, blogging this, while waiting for the heat guy to show up.
Gee. I so love being a home owner.
Not!
Still alive and waiting on the repairman to show up. - G.

Ready for the weekend!

This is so totally going to be me when I get home tonight.
Still alive and ready for the weekend! - G.

Birthday Wishes & Shamrock Dreams :P

Today is my mom's birthday.
And, no, before you ask, she is not a leprechaun.
I imagine it's a bit of pain sharing your birthday with a significant holiday. I seem to recall more than once, her birthday cake had a leprechaun on it. At least one such leprechaun wound up preserved in the freezer for an ungodly length of time. I'm not certain what happened to it. Perhaps it spontaneously came to life and fled the freezer for warmer climes. Who knows?
Personally, I think my mom lucked out. After all, being born on St. Patrick's Day is better than being born on Christmas or Easter. I mean, on those days she'd be competing against Jesus for attention, and how the hell do you win in that situation?
Seriously, though, today is my mom's birthday and, even though she sometimes drives me crazy, as all good mothers do, I love her more than sliced bread.
Happy birthday, mom.
Hope you have a good one.
Still alive and wondering if my mom actually reads this blog? - G.

Driveby Post

This is a quick, driveby post.
Am mostly recovered and typing this at The Job.
Where, sadly, my absence did not cause the place to collapse into chaos and entropy.
Could it be that I am not the center of the known universe after all?
Still alive and typing this on the sly. - G.

Sneezy

Home sick today with a cold. Been up all night, sneezing like a dog. Already called into work and now I'm heading back to bed.
Still alive, just a bit under the weather. - G.

Success! It is mine!

Like the Victorian gentlemen to the left, I too am feeling like a sexy bitch.

Why?

Because in the eternal struggle of Man vs. Pants, I have achieved victory!

Victory!

She is mine! And she is tasty! Like vanilla ice cream licked off the gently heaving bosoms of a virgin school marm.

In other words, today, I finally found pants that fit. Chinos too, which I love, cause they don't make me feel like I'm wearing a box on my ass.

If this is any indication of how well my weekend is going to go, I should totally fly to Las Vegas and bet everything on black.

Cause if Katy Perry can win in Vegas, anyone can.

Still alive and feelin' sexxxy! - G.

It's Thursday and my weekend is almost upon me.
And while my trainee is diligently slaving away next to me, I am secretly making this blog entry 'cause I know y'all would worry if I didn't. Right?
At least, that's what I tell myself.
Not a lot to report on here at The Job.
Work is work.
Not much to talk about in the personal life either.
Just finished reading an M.C. Beaton detective novel, and, before that, a book on North Korea entitled Nothing to Envy. I don't think I'll be giving Ms. Beaton any more of my hard-earned money. I've read fanfic that was written with more panache than the Hammish McBeth mysteries the lady writes.
And my never ending quest for pants that fit, goes on.
I wonder if I could get away with wearing a kilt on days?
Still alive and starting to obsess about my wardrobe. - G.

So, I'm about to go to bed and thought I'd let y'all know my postings here may be a bit erratic. Normally, I post at The Job, but since I'm training my successor, my Internet access is a bit wonky.
The training, by the way, is going fairly well. My trainee is picking things up fairly quickly, with the exception of our file system. She can't seem to get her head around the fact that our files use a two-tier system: a numeric classification and then a file number.
Eh.
Whatever. I'm sure she'll get it eventually.
The search for pants that fit goes on, with no luck.
And, just in case you were wondering, Old Man Winter has returned with a vengeance. It's a chilly -3 degrees Fahrenheit outside right now.
I'm not even going to talk about the snow drifts.
Anyway, I'm off to bed.
Still alive and ready for spring. - G.

Obituaries as entertainment

I have a daily ritual when I come to work.
Wanting to be an informed individual, when I sit at my desk, the first thing I do is fire up the Internet and check the news sites.
I start off with the Anchorage Daily News, for the local stuff, then skim CNN to see if they're reporting anything relevant.
Finally, I pop over to The Telegraph and The Times to check things out from a slightly different perspective.
And after I've satisfied my media hunger, I go back to The Telegraph and read their obituary page.
Does that sound morbid? It's really not.
The Telegraph's obituaries are extremely entertaining.
They are one of the highlights of my day. Plus, it helps to know that as long as I'm reading an obituary, it means I'm not featured in one.
Still alive and loving it! - G.

Ugh

I've been on a cheese bender for the last two weeks. Don't ask me why, it's just one of those things. A phase someone goes through, like an overwhelming desire for blueberry scones or hot blondes. You know you shouldn't indulge, but you also know that the hankering will be there until you work it out of your system.
With me, I've been hankering for cheese. Pepper jack cheese to be precise. I've been nibbling on the stuff constantly.
And now, if I see another cheese-related product anytime soon, I think I'll be sick.
The romance is so over.
Still alive and feeling cheesy 'n queasy. - G.

I don't care about the Iditarod, but I gotta get some pants...

Well, I was going to go shopping this afternoon, but it's snowing like gangbusters out there. Good news for the Iditarod, I suppose, but not so much for me.
Eh. I'll head up to Fred Myers and see what they've got in stock. Maybe I can find some pants that not only fit, but will actually hold together. *gasp!*
Wish me luck.
Still alive and still going shopping. Sort of. - G.

I'd like to push Alice through the bloody looking glass...

Alice in Wonderland comes out today and I'm torn.
On the one hand, I like most of Tim Burton's movies. But on the other hand, I absolutely loathe the Alice books.
I cannot stand them.
I remember reading the first one and getting an enormous headache, because, honestly? What was the fucking point of the story?
A while back, I read an article that explained the reasons the Alice stories were so popular can be largely attributed to the time when they were first published. It was the Victorian Era and the lives of children were regulated to extremes. The whimsical, free flowing nonsense of the Alice books appealed to children because it was apparently liberating.
I've talked about this with some other folks and Alice tends to polarize a crowd; people either love the books or hate them.
I'm afraid I fall firmly in the first camp.
It doesn't help that the movie is getting lukewarm reviews.
What to do? What to do?
Still alive and pondering tonight's adventure. - G.

So, I've been at The Job for a couple of hours today and let me tell you something: I shoulda stayed in bed.
Still alive and wishing it was time to go home. - G.

Television is a wasteland...

I don't watch much television any more.
Yes, I know. Shocking isn't it?
When I was growing up, I was glued to the set. I could quote the programming schedules of entire networks. Granted, way back then we only had three television networks and no cable t.v. And, yet, somehow we managed to survive. :P
These days, I don't watch much television. The dramas are just silly and most of the comedies don't make me laugh. Reality television is just stupid. See The Jersey Shore for proof of that. I avoid the news channels like the plague that they are.
People at The Job are always amazed that I don't have the television on when I'm at work. I'd rather listen to the radio or podcasts downloaded off the Internet.
Television today is just boring.
Still alive and feeling kind of listless. - G.

Picture Day

Today's pictures, please note the "s", are from the Fur Rondy Snow Sculpture competition.

This pic is easily my favorite of the lot. The others? Eh. Not so much. Scroll down to see why.

Um. I think this is supposed to be a troll or something. An angry troll. See the fist? And the psychotic grin? Angry snow trolls make me long for fifty degree weather.

Okay. We're in Alaska and someone decided to do a sculpture of a frog on a lilly pad. I think someone must be homesick for the bayou. It doesn't help any that the eyes on this snow frog totally follow you around the room. Creepy!

Snow fish leaping into the air. I suppose this is relevant to our locality, but this sculpture is just dead boring. I mean, come on. Angry Snow Troll and Creepy Snow Frog are more interesting than this. Bleh.

I have absolutely no fucking idea what this thing is supposed to be. Mystery Snow Sculpture is made of fail.

Again, I have no idea what the hell this thing is supposed to be. It looks kind of Lovecraftian, doesn't it? Are those supposed to be brains and tentacles or something else? Lovecraftian Snow Sculpture is made of fail. Epic fail.

Okay. Are these supposed to be bears or apes? I can't tell. And, also, why does looking at this picture make me think that they are about to have sex. Dirty, dirty snow sex. *shudders*

Snow Baby Sculpture is Giant. Snow Baby Sculpture is Creepy. How'd you like to see that crawling down the hall toward you on a dark night?

And there you have it. I swear, I don't know what was going through those artists minds when they were making these sculptures, but I suspect a lot of them spent waaayyy too much time alone this winter.

Still alive and avoiding creepy snow sculptures! - G.

Seeing light at the end of the tunnel

March has arrived and so has my successor at The Job.
Her name is Pam and she's going to work the day shift this week and then start working the shift with me this Sunday.
Oh joy! Oh rapturous day, ka-loo! Ka-lay!
In a few weeks, I shall be free of the night shift. Free of taking telephone calls from people who shouldn't be allowed near a telephone, let alone to use one.
And if you think I'm making mountains out of mole hills, pull up and chair and have a listen. A couple of weeks ago, I got a call from a lady who was convinced that Bill Gates and Warren Buffet were conspiring to prevent her from getting plastic surgery.
I am totally not making that up.
See? That's the kind of crazy I've had to deal with for the last few years. Is it any wonder that I cringe every time the phone rings?
But soon I shall be free!
Free, I tell you!
Still alive and a little nutty 'cause this day is just goin' on 4evah! - G.